


Damnation

by Hildenhigh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hildenhigh/pseuds/Hildenhigh
Summary: This is a love story. Maybe not in the traditional way you’d expect it, but a love story nonetheless.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Introduction

_A short while ago, in the same galaxy you live in right now..._

  
  


He died a year ago. But instead of time healing the pain, it turned it into numbness. The light behind her eyes was now gone. Her eyes, the once so full of life and cheekiness, were now hollow, surrounded by pale skin and velvety dark circles. It was almost like the tears she shed for so long made the color itself run dry, turning them from bright blue to a washed-up grey. Life in _survival mode_ , she calls it. Food and water enough to live, coffee to keep her functioning, and work to keep a roof over her head.

_Work. Numbness. Sleep._

_Work. Numbness. Sleep._

_Work. Numbness. Sleep._

_Work. Numbness. Sleep._

That’s how days go by. One after the other. Nothing worth noting. Nothing worth remembering. TV shows, books, parties, and drugs, to make the time pass. Fleeting fun. Regardless, nothing worth mentioning. Nothing memorable, not enough to spark happiness in someone like Maria. An aspiring writer, that used to talk about the joy of life, the adventures it contains, and oh, those theories about the Universe she had. You should’ve heard it. You see, she had this partner, this best friend, and boyfriend, that she loved with her whole heart. But he was gone, killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Pathetic, right? That’s exactly what she thought, ever since it happened. A person such as him, a bringer of positivity and light in the world, killed by a drunken idiot behind a wheel. A part of her soul died in that car with him. The part that wanted to live, not just survive. 

This is how it starts. To all people, it may seem like an ordinary day: sunny, a couple of white clouds here and there, scattered around by the wind, perfectly normal for an October day. Maria woke up, with the full intent of going to work, just like she usually does, but something stopped her in her tracks. A small voice in the back of her head. It kept repeating the same thing, over and over again.

“Come.”

Her eyes fell on the backpack in the corner of the closet, tucked away from clear sight so she wouldn’t have to look at it and remind herself of all the things she didn’t feel like doing anymore. But the spark was there, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let it go, not after an entire year of feeling dead. She grabbed some clean underwear, socks, personal savings, and personal hygiene items and tossed them inside the bag. She grabs a long coat and a bottle of water, cigarettes, and her boots, she struts out of the house, locks the door, and doesn’t bother to glance back again. She gets on the first plane to Romania. Why Romania? Before she fell into the abyss of her mind, she’d done some research on places that she must go visit, with portals to other worlds and dimensions. A name kept popping up in those searches: Hoia-Baciu forest, well-known amongst locals for its supernatural activity. UFO sightings, people gone missing, wailing sounds coming from the heart of the forest and so many more. Her heart started racing to the thought of it, the voice in her head getting louder which each mile she traveled.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

The place looks nothing like she had imagined. Standing right at the edge of the forest, insight only trees with their usual autumn-like colors, birds chirping, the sun bright in the sky. 

“I thought it might at least be cloudy outside..” she mumbles to herself. 

She continues her walk into the forest, looking for oddly shaped trees or signs of otherworldly elements, as she recalled from reading about the place. Locals say it is named after a shepherd, whose flock of 200 sheep went into the forest and disappeared into thin air. Some people have reported seeing UFOs, some say witches gather and perform rituals here. Others say some of the trees grow unnaturally and those trees are people who died in the forest. She also read about a small meadow in the heart of it where all nature died. And that’s where she wants to go, that’s where she thinks there’s going to be something, something that will entertain her curiosity. 

The wind blows past her, a chilly wind that snaps her out of the reminiscence of the articles she read into the real world. A small gasp escapes her lungs when she realizes she lost track of the path she came from. She couldn’t even guide herself by the sun, the thicket of the forest forbidding it. Curiously enough, fog starts forming around her, birds stop singing altogether and there is such silence surrounding her, only the twigs she steps on crack under her weight. This sends both chills and thrills down her spine. “Now I understand why people in horror movies keep going and don’t run for it. This is exciting.” she screeched the last sentence with the joy of a five-year-old.

“Come.” came a whisper through the fog, causing her to turn on her heels and instinctively trying to find the source of the voice.

“Of course there’s none, silly me,” she slaps her forehead as her mouth curls up in a dumb smile, “this is a haunted forest.” She expected to feel a little more alarmed at the prospect of dying at the hands of a supernatural force, but there is only warmth surrounding her, very similar to a state of belonging. She follows the voice through the fog, her head filled up with questions for this unknown, magical being. 

After what seems like hours wandering through the fog, she reaches precisely the meadow where all nature is dead. The air clears, but the sun is now covered by dark, grey clouds. “I hope it doesn’t rain, I hate mud,” she mumbles to herself again as she checks out the sky. “Now what?” glancing around, nothing happens. No ghosts or witches, no sign of life whatsoever. “I guess it’s just as advertised. Dead. Everything’s dead here.” She takes a couple of steps back and slides down with her back against a tree to sit on the ground. Her eyes wander over the meadow, waiting for something to happen and hoping the voice will talk to her again. 

“Is this it?” she talks up to the trees as if they held an answer. She shakes her head, reaches into her coat’s pocket, and takes out her cigarettes, puts one in her mouth, and lights it. Long, lung filling drag. After probably hours of not having one, the smoke, combined with the crisp air of the forest, feels like breathing for the first time today. A tiny drop of rain falls on the tip of her boots as she exhales the smoke with a groan. “Great..” she pulls her legs to her chest, hoping the thicket of the forest will shield her against the rain. 

After putting out the cigarette, she wraps the coat tighter around herself and watches the rain as it falls on the dead ground in front of her. There’s something soothing about the picture, that slowly lulls her to sleep. Her eyelids feel too heavy to fight, staying awake not feeling like an option.

The moment she closed her weary eyes, the familiar “come” returned, but this time it felt like someone said it right next to her. She jumps to her feet, almost like being electrocuted, to find that the scenery in front of her is completely different. The dead field is replaced by a beautiful lake, which she can’t see the end of from where she stands. The sun reflects into it at an angle that makes it look like there’s diamonds at the bottom of it. Maria stares in awe for a little before being snapped out of it by someone touching her hand, causing her to flinch a little too aggressively. She looks next to her, ready to apologize, just to see a little boy clinging to her clothes with one hand while holding up the other for her to take. He can’t be older than 4 or 5, his curly, dark brown hair all over the place, clothes kind of mismatched on his little body. “Oh hello, are you lost?” she asks, offering her hand to the kid.

He giggles, “Come.”

Her eyes widened when he spoke, but what blew her mind was the entire city she hadn’t noticed that was behind her. Words eluded her, but she finally managed a non-coherent question, “Where-- how-- who are you?” The boy only laughs and drags her into the city. As she wanders the streets with the boy, she associates this place with the image of the city of Agrabah, the one from Disney’s film, Aladdin, but she imagined it wouldn’t be nice to point it out to the people here. A woman’s voice came from around the corner, “Kane Bailer, if you don’t come here right now, you’re in very big trouble!”

Maria raises an eyebrow as she looks down at the kid. “Is that your mother?”

“Yes, you want to meet her?” 

“Sure,” she shrugs as she continues their stride. “Cool name, by the way.” 

“I like it too,” he grins, a satisfied look on his face when his mother turns the corner. The woman looked like an Arabic princess, her face so symmetrical, skin tone like she was kissed by the sun. Her eyes were so big and long, she looked just like a Disney cartoon character.

“There you are!” she shakes her head, trying to hide a whiff of annoyance from her face. “Thank you for returning him. Kids, am I right?” she rolled her eyes playfully at the girl.

“Actually he is the one that brought me here, I am a little lost. Can you tell me where I am?” she scratches the back of her head and gives the woman a dumb smile, knowing she must sound like she fell from the Moon.

“Sure, dear. This is the town of Paxus. What place are you looking for?”

“Uhm, with the risk of sounding mentally disturbed, I don’t know.” 

“Did you come on a ship?” the woman inquired, obviously intrigued by the premise. “Maybe you’re on the wrong planet.”

“Wrong-- what? Planet?” she couldn’t help but wonder if the woman was sane or not. 

“This is Kijimi.” The woman added, “maybe your equipment is faulty. You should get it checked out by an engineer.”

She tries to process the whole information as well and as fast as possible. “No, no, it’s all good. Thank you for your help.” She nodded politely, “One last thing, could you guide me to the nearest library or any place where I can read more about this planet and maybe-- the others too?”

“It’s close by. You need to walk through this neighborhood and the market, then it’s the first tall building you’ll see.”

“Alrighty then. I appreciate your guidance. Maybe I’ll see you around.” She waved her hand at the pair, “bye, Kane.” 

“Byeee!” 

She can’t help a burst of small laughter before she begins walking in the direction of the library. 

\---

The Command Center on the Finalizer is buzzing. The First Order is a military junta, put together by the remaining imperialists in the galaxy. They’re still in the shadows, having its headquarters in the outer regions. Still, they have spies in every corner of the galaxy, sent to gather useful information to be used against the Republic once their forces are strong enough again. Plans are being discussed amongst the leaders for the construction of a new Death Star. 

The Supreme Council is in the middle of a strategic meeting about the location of the Starkiller Base when machines start beeping all around them. 

“What’s this?” Sloane inquired as some technicians entered the room to check out the problem.

“Our satellites have picked up a disruption in the magnetic field of Kijimi. But it’s gone now, it was only for a second.” one of the men said.

“Could it be only solar flares that messed up with the satellite?” Hux added.

“I don’t think so, sir. It looks genuine-”

The man was cut off by a masked Kylo Ren, almost flying through the double doors of the room, his robes fluttering behind him like a dark aura. “I felt a disturbance in the Force. I need to take one of the ships to see what happened.” 

“We’ll send some troopers to check it out,” Hux tried to dismiss him.

“It’s too important. I’ll take some troopers with me.” And that’s all he said in the metallic voice before leaving the room as fast as he entered.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

As Maria wanders the streets of Paxus, she can't help the internal struggle inside of her. How is it possible to cross planets like that? She knew she was in for a supernatural-related experience, but nothing quite like this. Not waking up on a different planet, quite frankly a different universe or galaxy or whatever; the most she imagined will happen was seeing a ghost through the woods, a phantasmic presence that would creep her out a little, but not-- not this. Not a completely different civilization. This is beyond anything she thought was possible. And to think that less than 24 hours ago, she couldn't find the point of being alive anymore. That'll teach her.

While she roams the streets, the writer inside of her can't help but marvel in the beauty of the place. The unique architecture of a Disney-like city gradually turns into bigger buildings, more futuristic, and the people on the street seem to adopt a different fashion style as well. The robes she'd seen so far turn into tight suits, with helmets on, each cooler than the latter. "I guess this is a biker town," she said to herself. One of the people turns their helmet covered head in her direction and gives her a slight shake of the head.

"Nutters," he mumbles before resuming his walk in the opposite direction. She laughs it off, amused by the comment.

What she can't help but wonder is if the people under the helmets look human or not. After all, this is an alien planet. To her, at least. The market ahead put an end to her curiosity about appearance when she saw all the merchants and buyers present, all buzzing around, bargaining, and discussing meaningless topics like the weather. She can't wrap her mind around the action, so many different species of-- uh, what's the politically correct term? --let's stop at species here. Some of them resemble lizards, with scaly and bright colored skin, some have tentacles, some look exactly like humans, but who knows what's under their clothes? She kinda stands in place as she takes it all in, butterflies filling her stomach while she does so.

"Oh, how much I would've missed if I didn't make this trip..."

The minute she decided to continue her way to the library, two bikers crossed her path, carrying a huge mirror into a corner of the market. She caught a glance of herself in it and shook her head slightly, "...what?" She whispers to herself before trying to find another mirror to look into. When she finally does, it's in front of an old lady's shop, who smiles at her kindly. Maria returns the smile with a bit of an awkward "hello", unsure if the woman could speak English. That wasn't her main concern though. Her hair is no longer a dark blonde, rather a couple of shades away from pitch black. She notices she no longer has her backpack or the clothes she came in. She does have a great outfit, in tone with what she saw earlier on the biker side of the town. Jeans, boots, shirt and leather jacket. "Not bad at all, all black, quite my style." She nods in agreement with her looks. Her eyes stayed the same, that was something she smiled bittersweetly at.

"Those clothes do suit you, dear." The old woman speaks, gesturing towards her merchandise, "would you like a helmet that goes with them?"

"Oh, sorry, I left my wallet in the ship, I was just heading for the library." she can't help but snicker at the lie before bidding farewell to the lady and resuming her trip.

Something catches her attention. There's more buzzing than before coming from the direction of the library, making her wonder if someone needs help.

"Imperialists! They're here!" a horned man shouts in the market.

Everyone packs up their shops, people living in the buildings nearby all shut their windows and it feels like the Sheriff of Nottingham comes to collect this month's taxes.

Through the people packing up and rushing to exit the market, she can see men (or women, it's unsure) dressed in a different kind of suit than what she'd seen so far. They kind of look like white armors, with a robotic helmet on. Their voices are muffled, but it sounds like they have voice-changers integrated into the masks.

"Maybe they're authorities," she shrugs as she makes her way through all the people, trying to avoid the sentinels, especially considering she doesn't exactly have an intergalactic ID or passport on her.

While the stormtroopers ravage the market, looking for foreign objects or anything that might seem out of place, Kylo Ren stays back, using the Force to locate that something, or someone, that may have caused the disturbance. "It's here, in this market. I can feel it. But it's hidden." the visor of his mask wandered over the market, trying to see if there's anything the troopers might overlook but nothing sticks out.

People keep boo-ing them from the buildings that encircle the market, but he is under strict orders not to cause a scene. Just make it seem like a small demonstration of force, not an attack on the Republic.

Their presence there is belittled by the local authorities who start launching grenades and timed-bombs in the market, hitting some of the merchants and buyers as well as two of his troopers.

"Imperial scums!" they yell, clearly on top of one of the buildings.

Ren looks around, trying to locate their position, but before he can do anything about who decided they were to be messed with, or call on the troopers to fire on them, there it was. What he'd been looking for. The _girl_. And she is heading right to him. Running to him.

Maria couldn't understand why he wasn't moving, didn't he hear the grenade? She runs for it, and launches herself at the man, just like she'd seen in the movies.

"Duck!" She yells as she tackles him to the ground, the grenade going off right next to them. The sound of it is deafening, a high pitched noise taking its place inside her ears. She opens her eyes, her vision is blurred, but at least she's whole, and so seems the man she tackled. She tries to stand up but falls right back on the ground and that's it. Pitch black.

\---

When Maria opens her eyes, the all-white walls and lights make her retina burn and cause her to squeeze her eyes shut so hard, it makes her head hurt.

"Ow.." she whines quietly and tries to bring an arm to her forehead, only to find that her wrist is cuffed to the side of what seems to be a medical stretcher. She wiggles it more, trying to get out of it, but to no end.

"Hey, hey! Don't move, sit still for a little longer." a woman says, but her voice is muffled. She tries to open her eyes again, but this time slowly, one after the other.

She notices the white walls are very close to her and the lights are moving across them.

"Is this an MRI device thingy?" Maria asks back, her voice echoing inside the machine. The stretcher is pulled out of the machine and the woman who spoke earlier gives her a half-smile.

"Yes, it is. Do you remember what happened?" The doctor works on the restraints with an eyebrow raised, awaiting a reply.

Maria searches her memory for a second, recalling the forest and the city, the market, and the sudden grenades. But she couldn't help but wonder if it was real or if all was just a dream. Just to play it safe, she replies with a question. "Where am I?"

"This is the First Order's medical wing. You were involved in a- let's say dispute, between us and the local authorities of Paxus."

Good, it wasn't all a dream. "The guys in white armor?"

"No. Those are our stormtroopers. You didn't recognize them?" it seemed like the woman's eyebrow couldn't raise any higher, but there it was, more inquiry from her face.

"Uh, no, sorry. I don't know what stormtroopers are. Well, now I do. I think." Maria sat up from the stretcher, only to realize she's in a hospital gown. "Also, please tell me you kept my clothes. I don't really have spares." she laughs it off as she stands, a small head rush causing her to grab onto the doctor's arm. "Sorry.."

"That's alright, pretty normal after not eating for two days. And yes, your clothes have been washed, they'll be waiting for you back in the room. Let's get you back there." she reassures the girl, but wraps her arm around Maria's body, just in case.

As they walk through insanely white hallways, realization hits. "Wait, two days of not eating? Was I out for two whole days?"

"No, you were unconscious for five hours. But we tested your blood and your sugar levels indicated that's about how long it's been since you last ate."

"Oh.." it was true, she hadn't had a meal since the day before she left home, but she never really acknowledged it until now, too many things happened that took her mind away from a menial action like eating. "So, the First Order, what's this? Very fancy name."

"What's left of the Empire."

"What empire?"

There it is, that raised eyebrow. "Good thing I gave you an MRI, you might have a serious concussion." The woman opened the door to a room with two beds, one of them occupied by a dark-haired, young lad. "We don't have a very extended medical ward, so this is the only place available. I'm sorry."

"Why sorry? As long as he doesn't have the plague or something, I think I'll be good," Maria chuckled.

"Uhm, that's Kylo Ren-" the woman seemed visibly uncomfortable, shifting her weight from one leg to the other, not even entering the room.

"Cool name. What about him? Who is he?"

The raised eyebrow made a comeback once again. "Just- if he wakes up, don't talk to him." she reached for the button that closes the door.

"Why not?"

"Just-- don't." And that's all she said before the door flew shut.

Sitting there, she wonders what that was all about. She shrugs it off, sits on the side of the bed, and looks at the sleeping man. His features are soft, and he can't be much older than herself.

"Kylo Ren, huh? Nice to meet you. I'm Maria. What are you in here for?" she shakes her head as she laughs, amused by the fact that she's talking to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Hours went by and nothing happened. Doctors kept roaming the corridors, but none of them entered the room. You could hear them chatting on the other side of the door, but that was it. The remainder of the time, silence dominated the whole medical ward chamber she was in, with the boy whom she wasn’t supposed to talk to. She couldn’t if she wanted to, he hadn’t even moved since she got there.

The swift sound of the door opening startled her, causing her to plummet into a sitting position. The action made her head hurt and she couldn’t help another “ow..” as she rubbed her temples.

A man entered, white coat on. Another doctor, she assumes. “Hello there, sorry to startle you. I’m Ivan. How’s your head?” he inquires as he pulls out a stethoscope from under his coat, intending to press it to the chest of the man who was in the same room with her.

“I guess it’s fine. The other doctor said I might have a concussion but I think it’s just a headache,” she watches as Ivan tries to take the shirt off the man.

Kylo Ren’s eyes fly open at the doctor’s attempt to remove his shirt, grabbing his hand in a tight clench, a look of utter hate coming from behind the barely woken up eyes. “Touch me again and it will be the last thing you do.” he hissed between his teeth.

The doctor's face contorts in a mixture of pain and dread, taking off his hand from the hem of Ren’s shirt. The second the black-haired man let go of his arm, Ivan didn’t know how to get out of the room faster, stumbling on some trays as he walked backward. “I’m sorry, l-l-lord Ren,” he stuttered as he took a weird half-bow on his way out, “it w-w-won’t happen again.” He took a last look at the girl and closed the door, too scared to risk staying inside longer and be bothered with her state.

After the scene, Maria keeps her eyes on the door for a couple more seconds, a profoundly confused look imprinted on her face, that she then directs at the man next to her. “Look, I get that some people aren’t very fond of doctors, but that was a bit extreme, don’t you think?”

Ren tosses her a sideways glance before collapsing back on the bed, “what’s it to you?” his voice is quite deep, a hint of darkness in his tone.

She gives him a slight shrug, tilting her head towards him as she does so, “it’s nothing to me, but I think that man almost pooped his pants.”

No reaction. He looks at her with a blank expression. “Okay, no sense of humor, I see,” she adds. “Well then, I guess introductions are in place. Another doctor told me you’re Kylo Ren, hope I got that right. Cool name, must say. I’m Maria, not very fond of the name, but oh well.” Again, no reaction.

The woman medic from earlier comes in, saving her from the awkwardness of the situation. “I came back with your results,” she takes a small peek at the man next to her, clearly up to date with what he did to the other doctor, but she concentrates her attention on the girl, “apparently, you’ve got no injuries from the explosion. No scratches, no concussion, nothing.” she looks at the girl with the classic raised eyebrow. ‘ _You’ll get wrinkles from doing that so often, lady_ ,’ Maria thought, and she could swear she heard a barely audible snort of laughter from the man next to her. She glanced at him, no expression on his face, then back at the woman, no expression on hers either, clearly like it didn’t happen. “I’m very curious as to how that’s possible,” the woman continued.

“I guess I’m just a tough girl like that,” Maria shrugs, “so, tell me, what’s the deal with this First Order/Empire thing?”

“You’re joking, right?” the doctor seemed baffled by her question.

“Do I look like it? I’ve got no clue, I’m not exactly from around. Enlighten me.”

Kylo’s curiosity has now peaked. He tries to keep the same blank expression on, but he’s more attentive to what she says.

The woman just stands there, unsure of what to say, but Maria cuts her off. “Oh! When that grenade went off, there was a guy I pushed out of the way. He had a black cloak on and I believe he had a mask on too, didn’t get a good look at it. How is he? Is he also here in the ward?” The doctor takes a glimpse at Ren and he gestures to her not to reveal he’s the one.

“Yes, he is in the medical ward. But, uh, not here. He is our commander. Therefore, I thank you, on the behalf of the First Order, for, uh, not letting him blow up.” she says, continuing to glance from time to time to Ren, not very convinced of her whole statement.

“Just did my civic duty, doc,” she chuckles as she gestures a sailor’s salute with her hand. The woman nods and proceeds to leave the room. Maria turns her head towards the man, shifting her whole body so she sits on the side of the hospital bed, legs hanging over the edge, facing him. “So, _commander_ ,” she enunciates after giving him a wink, “I saved your life, huh?”

“How did you-” he started the question confused, but he got cut off.

“Come on, she looked at you so much during that sentence, I thought she might be addressing you rather than me.” her eyes rolled playfully, “What’s a big shot commander doing in a market like that? Looking for something?”

Blankly, he replies “Yes, I was looking for you.”

“Me? Have we met before or?” she seriously doubts it.

“No.”

“Then what’s so special about me?” she did cross over into this universe, but how would he know?

“There’s been a disturbance in the Force. You caused it.”

“The Force?” she snorts, “What are you? Some kind of monk?” Finally, a reaction. More than she expected from a line like that, though. His eyes widened, nostrils dilated, an increase in breathing. “Dude, it’s just a joke,” she puts her hands up in defense, “nothing more.”

He attempts to stand from the bed, but a sharp pain goes through his abdomen, causing him to fall back on it. He tries to ignore it, but the ache causes his face to contort. Maria jumps to his side, attempting to lift his shirt. His eyes send darts in her direction, hissing at the action and using his hand to stop her, just as he did with the doctor before her. “Don’t touch me!” The consequence was her slapping his hand away and continuing to pull up the hem of the shirt. “How dare y-”

“Hey! I’m not the kind of chick you can scare off as easily as that man before. Now, shut up and let me look at what’s going on.” the tone of authority renders him speechless, not able to wrap his mind around it. For years now, no one had talked back to him, not due to the reputation he created. The leader of the Knights of Ren after killing their previous one, Snoke’s apprentice, Commander of the First Order. The whole terrifying image he created, meaning absolutely nothing to this... _girl_. Whomever she may be.

“Well, bad news,” her voice snapped him out of the awe state, “it looks like you have an abdominal hemorrhage. I’ll get a doctor, but this time, you’ll have to behave and let them do their job.” with that said, she basically darted out of the room, her voice echoing through the hallways. He raises his head a little, to see what happened. A bruise-like spot is spread on his side, its margins almost looking black compared to the velvety center. Maria returns, with the same doctor he previously snapped at (to his excitement), who brought a portable anesthesia machine.

“We have to take you into surgery, l-lord Ren.” he stuttered as he held the mask attached to the anesthetic in his shaky hands. She watches the man barely able to come close to the bed and rolls her eyes, taking the mask away from his grip.

“For God’s sake, I hope you won’t be so shaky when operating on him,” she fixates it on Kylo’s nose and mouth with a wink, nodding at him “ _lord Ren, sir,_ ” she says, with a slight hint of mockery, before looking back at the doctor, “I didn’t get a splitting headache from a grenade to have him die in a hospital.”

Ren’s vision starts to blur from the fumes of anesthesia, but he still manages to grab her arm as he’s being rolled out of the room into the surgical ward, and she gives him a curt nod, walking next to him, with a hand on his shoulder until she was told she couldn’t go any further.

\---

Another couple of hours go by, time which she used to get out of the hospital robe and back into the clothes she came in, walk around the hospital wing and find some blank papers on a clipboard. “Perfect,” she whispers to herself.

Returned to the room, she found Ren back on his side of the room, sleeping peacefully. ‘ _Good, you’re alive_ ,’ she thinks while comfortably sitting on the bed, her imagination pouring out on the pages she brought. But this time, not with words as she used to do back home. Images were popping out in her mind, one after the other and the only way she can capture their beauty is to draw them. At first, she remembers the lake she first saw here, the luster of the water resembling diamonds shining. But another image popped up, one of a temple on fire, and a man, whose hand seemed to be made of metal, just like a robot. He is kneeling in front of it, pained by the image, his other hand, this one made of flesh, is supporting his weight against an actual robot, painted in white and blue. This wasn’t a memory, clearly, she’d never seen this picture before in her head, but what was it? She zoned out so much, she didn’t realize she actually finished the whole sketch. It was beautiful, like nothing she ever drew before. She looks at it, and she can feel the pain of the man, a hint of disappointment in himself. ‘ _Maybe my writing translated into drawing in this world_..’

She snaps out of it when she hears a muffled groan next to her. Ren’s awake. “Morning, sleepyhead. Had a good sleep? How are you feeling?” he meets her questions with a frown, remembering what she said about him being a monk. Did she know about the Jedi? His eyes fall on her drawing, his head getting filled with all the feelings he experienced that night. Luke searched in his dreams, saw that he talked to Snoke, the darkness that surrounded his mind and heart. He tried to kill him, it was self-defense. Nothing more. He didn’t burn the temple, Tai was the only one who believed him. But he’s dead too, fallen under his saber. Same for Hennix, and Voe, and all the other padawans. Now there’s only darkness left, fear, anger. And some doubt. But he worships the Dark Side, he’s part of it now.

“Hey.. are you alright?” he is brought back to reality by Maria’s voice and her hand on his shoulder. The drawing was tossed on her bed and her face presented concern. Why? A tear, one tear was rolling down his cheek from the corner of his eye. A burning, remorse filled tear. He wipes it away quickly and shakes off her grip on his shoulder, clicking on the button on his nightstand for a nurse to come. His gaze meets hers again, but ignores the silent question that floats in the air.

“I will see you when I get out of this hospital,” the door flies open and Ivan comes in, to his dislike, but Ren addresses him calmly now. “Take this girl to one of the guest chambers. Assign a trooper to her, I want someone guarding her at all times. Dismissed.” He can hear all the questions in her head, but to his surprise, she says nothing more. She takes off with the doctor, taking one last glance at him before the door shuts.


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

The room was basic. White sheets on the bed, grey-ish walls, a small bathroom, kind of like the ones you see in a small New York studio apartment, with only the basics in it, sink, toilet, shower. Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, towels, and toilet paper. A closet that only fits about two outfits. An empty bed stand, no windows. Not a book, or a painting, maybe something hung on the empty, dull walls. No candle to set a mood. Nothing, all blank and boring. If it weren’t for the trooper assigned to her, Maria would’ve gone crazy during the couple of days she’d been there. They kind of hit it off from the moment they met, even though KN-1409 wasn’t convinced how to treat her overall. Due to lack of information, she couldn’t be considered a friend or an enemy, just an unknown. But what’s unknown can be dangerous. Or so everyone seemed to think about her.

She pops her head out of the room and pats the trooper on the shoulder. “Can you come in?”

“If you want me to, I guess I can.”

“Awesome!” she claps her hands like a child and pulls KN-1409 inside. She grabs the one pillow from the bed, folds the cover to create a second one, and sets them on the floor. “Preferences?” he only gives her a shake of the head, a bit confused by what she wants to do. “Alright, then you take the cover, I think it’s gonna be a bit fluffier. Your touchie will appreciate it.” She takes a sit cross-legged on the pillow and pats the cover in front of her, inviting him to sit.

“So, what’s your real name?” Maria asks, curious about the assigned numbers of the troopers.

“I don’t have a real name,” he says, shifting to get comfortable on the improvised pillow, “or at least I don’t know it.”

“Why?”

“We’re soldiers. From the day we are old enough to train, we are taken from our families and being prepared to fight. Or defend, or both.”

“But isn’t that cruel? To be taken away from your mums and dads?”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t remember them. Therefore, I don’t remember what being taken away felt like. But your name is nice.”

She can’t help a scoff, “might sound weird to you, but I don’t like this name. I’d opt out for something cooler, more magical. Like Morgause, or Morgana**. I’m pretty sure you’ve never heard of them.”

“Should I? Are they known for something?”

“I guess not, not here anyway. If you were to choose a name, what would it be?”

“Never thought about it.”

“Well, considering you do have ‘KN’ in your trooper identification number or what that is, how about Kane? I met a cute, little boy that had that name.”

“I like that. I like it a lot.”

She sensed a smile forming inside his helmet, and couldn’t help one in return. “I’ll call you Kane from now on, it can be our little secret.” He agrees with a curt nod.

It’s a bit complicated to talk to someone to whom you can’t apply the same culture you lived in your entire life. She isn’t even sure if they have stuff like human rights or whatever they’d be called here, considering not everybody is human.

“Can you at least take off your helmet?”

“Not without a direct order.”

“From whom?”

“A superior.”

“Alrighty then..” There's a short break, none of them sure what they can say in each other’s presence. “Look,” Maria starts, before taking in a deeper breath, “I’m not exactly from.. _here_. It would be very helpful if you could tell me a thing or two about this place.” The trooper looks at her, visibly tensing up, analyzing her facial expressions, and reaching his hand towards the blaster a little. “Woah, woah, not like that!” She holds her hands up in the air and can’t help laughing. “I don’t mean classified information or anything like that. I’m not a spy or whatever. I meant if you could explain what’s the whole thing with the Empire and the First Order and who exactly are you people. A small history, if you will.”

“Oh!” Kane exclaims, removing his hand from the blaster, shoulders going limp. “I don’t know many details, not many names either. All I know is from the training we got. It might also be a part legend too.” She nods, understanding that, and urges him from looks to continue. “About 60 years ago, The Empire overtook the old Republic when a Jedi turned to the Dark Side. The Jedi were people who used the Light Side of the Force, but they were all exterminated by this guy. Almost all of them, actually. He later became Darth Vader, who was one of the greatest warriors of the Empire. But what he didn’t know was that his two children lived and they were strong with the Force. The rest is unclear, all I know is that they overthrew the Empire and created the New Republic.”

“That’s- really something,” she tries to understand how two people can take down a whole Empire, but due to the lack of details, she can only guess this isn’t how it all went down. “So, this Vader guy was the Emperor?”

“No, but he was Darth Sidious’, meaning the Emperor’s, second in command. A Supreme Commander, if you will.”

“Well, thank you. Now it makes a bit more sense. And the First Order is made of the people who didn’t want the Empire’s rule to end?”

“Yes.”

“Cool, cool,” she mumbles, “So far, from what you’ve been telling me, I’m rooting for you. I hope you get your place back in the galaxy or universe or whatever.” She shrugs and looks at Kane, who looks like he froze in place. “Are you okay?”

“You’re dismissed, for now, KN-1409.” The metallic voice came from the doorstep behind her, resembling the one of the trooper, but a lot deeper; it caused her to flinch, taken by surprise.

Kane darts to his feet, takes a bow in front of the man, and disappears from the room, the door swishing closed behind him. Maria stands as well, groaning as she does so, her legs a bit numb from the crossed position. “Hello?” she says a bit confused when she turns around to face the hooded figure, the black mask concealing his identity.

“I told you I will see you when I get out of the hospital, why are you so surprised?” the tone was bland, you couldn’t tell if there were any feelings manifested behind the metal.

“Oh! It’s you!” she slaps her forehead as she rolls her eyes playfully, “yeah, I didn’t recognize with that mask on. Why do you have it?” No response. “Mkay, sensitive subject I imagine. How are you feeling? All good with your surg-”

“What did you mean I’m a monk? What kind of monk did you refer to?” he cut her off, no interest in chit-chat.

“Monk? When did I say monk?” She can feel the burning stare from beyond the black visor.

“I said you caused a disturbance in the Force. Did you refer to Jedi? Do you know anything about them?”

With excitement on her face, she said loud and clear, “Actually yes, I do!”

Kylo's eye twitched, and he strode toward Maria, trapping her in his stare and stopping inches away from her body, his dark silhouette hovering over her. He pinched her chin and angled it toward him. “What's your purpose here? Who are you? Who sent you? Is it the Resistance?” His voice, even though masked by the voice changer, now has a hint of concern.

“Woah, woah, man. I've got no more clue than you do about what I'm doing here. Or how I even got here. In Space or whatever this is. And it’s not like I can just _go home_.” she says, pulling away her chin from his grip and taking a step back.

“Where is your home?”

“Earth.”

“Earth?”

“Yeah?”

“There's earth everywhere. Be more specific.”

“Uh, what the hell do you mean- _there's Earth everywhere_?! Is this a dumb show, is there a hidden camera?” she drags her fingers through her hair, unable to contain a nervous laughter. His head doesn’t move, neither does he speak, but he is confused. She takes in a couple of quick breaths and continues, cupping her hands. “I’m talking about the planet. It’s called Earth.” Still no response. She rolls her eyes and gestures a bolt through the air. “Eaaarth-” A tingling sensation goes through her hand and body, almost like some kind of energy left her body through her gesture.

“Wow, what was that?” she mutters, more to herself, staring down at her hand in awe.

Ren watched the whole scene unwind. “How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That.” only when he points at her hand does she notice his hands are covered in black leather gloves.

“I have no idea, but it was awesome!” she looks into his visor with a dumb expression of happiness, assuming that’s where his eyes were. “Cool gloves too! Can I get some?” Again, no response. This starts to be annoying. “Okay, we’ll circle back to the gloves. Can you at least take that mask off? I feel like I’m talking to a wall.”

He turns on his heels and opens the door to the room, stepping outside, hood flying behind him.

“See ya, I guess?” she yells at him through the hallway. “Rude, but I like it.” she smiles, shrugging.

****(A/N: reference to Morgana Pendragon, the pupil of King Arthur’s father, and her actual sister, Morgause)**


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

During the course of two weeks, Maria had been introduced to most of the staff members of the First Order, starting from the troopers, to members of higher ranks, to medics, nurses, technicians and engineers, IT people, even the plumbers and cafeteria workers. Of course, she couldn’t remember all their names, nor their field of work, but most of the uniforms helped with the latter. They all had a different one according to their occupation. She learned a little about the geography of this galaxy, such as the fact that they were now in the Unknown Regions, hidden from the radars of the New Republic. In defiance of the Galactic Concordance, First Order’s forces frequently cross the Trans-Hydian Borderlands, launching several incursions into both Republic space and other sectors. The term "cold war" was used a lot between their people, due to no direct, large-scale fighting, but instead occasional minor skirmishes. More or less like the one she witnessed on Kijimi. Despite mounting First Order aggression, the New Republic refuses to take forceful military action against the Order, seeking to avoid provoking another devastating galactic war, like the one Kane told her about, at all costs. During this time, the Resistance, an offshoot of the New Republic Defense Force, was founded by the woman who helped bring down the Empire, General Leia Organa, who realized that the Senate could not protect the New Republic, alongside her few remaining allies, such as Gial Ackbar, Joph Seastriker, and Temmin Wexley. The Resistance acted as a check on the military designs of the First Order. General Organa released the Grace Report to the New Republic Senate, which publicly claimed that the Order was building hidden shipyards, armories, research and development labs, and academies, detailing the fact that facilities were working day and night on the massive military buildup. Maria couldn’t help but realize how similar this was to the political ignorance she witnessed at home.

What she heard about, but never got clarification on, was a big project of building a massive destruction weapon. All was very hush-hush around this, only high-ranking military members knowing the details. That included Kylo Ren, whom she became more acquainted with during this ‘trial’ period, as she liked to call it. He was an odd fellow. Sometimes it felt like they were bonding, but then comes a moment of complete ignorance of her existence or uncalled for rudeness. Even so, his behavior only intrigued her, recognizing many of her own traits in him. In this world, sure, she had to be a little friendlier than she cared to, sometimes proving to be quite exhausting. But she had to gain some friends that later on may turn into allies. She had no idea how long she was going to be here for, maybe forever.

Therefore, she wants to secure a warm place for herself in this world. Back home, she was pretty much as resentful, dark, and indifferent to anyone else’s problems or ideas as Kylo was to her and other people around him. Maybe that’s what’s drawing her towards him so much. A resemblance she can’t ignore.

Other things put aside, she also speculated a lot about the journey here. She crossed into a different world, simply by closing her eyes in a supernatural-energy filled forest, changed her clothes and hair in the process, her writer skills turning into drawing ones, and the one who wouldn’t let her mind rest most of all, that thing she did with her hand. That was the one that kept creeping in every waking moment, making all else seem water under the bridge. What was that all about?

Something new she found out was that Kylo Ren was like the Jedi Kane told her about, the one who turned to the Dark Side. That meant he can be a source of information on the incident, which he never really mentioned again. How sad she was that there was no library available, that way she could shower herself with information on topics like these.

What’s good is that she’s now considered friendly amongst the people from the First Order’s base. She still had Kane with her at all times, except for the few occasions she met up with Ren, during which he was dismissed. The trooper became her shadow, sometimes a friend to talk to, but mostly a shadow. Every morning, he greets her at the entrance to her room, as if he never left the night before. It makes her feel like she’s a prisoner with a lot of yard time. But she doesn’t mind it that much.

“I want to go outside today. It’s been a while since I’ve had something else than recycled air. Wanna come?” Rhetorical question, obviously.

The white hallways seem to never end, all the same, all so long and dull, it feels like you’re in a bright maze, trapped, like a mouse.

The sight of the sun and the green of the trees outside the base is more than refreshing. It feels like charging. Maria sat on the grass, touching the earth with her fingertips. It feels like she plugged herself into a socket, absorbing the nature in her body. What’s more interesting, when she closes her eyes, she sees with her mind. The grass growing, the wind through the leaves, a family of birds chirping together, the decay of dead animals. Life, all life around her. An image cuts off the scene playing, a man with a saber, standing over a boy, ready to strike. The boy wakes up and ignites his own saber as the man yells “Ben, no!”. Then the roof collapses. Darkness. Then a temple burning, the same temple she drew in the hospital room. And the man is there, on his knees, with the robot.

Her eyes open, her breathing a bit heavier than normal, her heart racing. The picture of Kylo Ren’s tear fall at the sight of the drawing came to mind and the link was made. He is the boy she saw. Why did the older man say Ben? Ben who?

The train of thought gets lost when a huge ship, shaped kind of like the tip of an arrow, blocks the sunlight, casting a long shadow over the base. “Holy mamma, what’s that?”

“That’s a Resurgent-class Star Destroyer, it’s a battleship.”

“Are we going into battle?” Her eyes light up, finally about to get some action.

“ _We_ are not going anywhere.”

She wants to argue about it but realizes there’s no point in it, it’s not like KN-1409 is the one calling the shots when it comes to where she can go. But someone else is. Back through the maze of hallways, she looks for anyone who’d seen Kylo Ren lately, the only man she knew that might give her some answers.

“Ah, miss Maria, a moment, please.”

The manly voice came from behind her, making her turn on her heels to see who it was. No clue, of course, she’s seen too many faces and heard too many names lately. His uniform is that of a military man’s, but she’s always been bad with recognizing the rank based on the number of lines. She takes a shot, hoping it’s the right one. “Yes, lieutenant?” His face seems unchanged, she nailed it.

“Follow me,” he disappears into a room, and she conforms to it with Kane a couple of steps behind her. When they enter, there’s no one there, just the lieutenant awaiting with his hands behind his back. “Take a break, trooper. I’ve got this.” He hesitates to follow the order and to that, the man adds, “the girl is looking for lord Ren, from what I heard. After I’m done talking to her, I’ll take her to him myself.” Not entirely convinced, but unable to object, Kane retreats, leaving the two alone in the room. Silence sets after his departure, making Maria feel weirdly uncomfortable.

“Take a seat,” the lieutenant finally speaks, after a couple of minutes of checking her out. It felt more like an order than an invitation, but she isn’t in a good position to disrespect this guy just yet. No need for a lieutenant to get her kicked out, or killed, considering she already knows too much.

“Thank you,” her eyes urge him to speak, but her tone betrays nothing.

“I wanted to see how you’re settling in. We’ve had a meeting in which we reviewed your presence here.”

Her eyes flutter, not knowing until now that she was even noticed around here, except the brief introductions. “And what’s the conclusion of the review?” she feels her throat tightening, hit with the realization that she liked it here, and had no other place to go honestly.

“Didn’t lord Ren tell you? And introduced you to everyone?” his caterpillar shaped eyebrow rises, producing wrinkles on one side of his spotted forehead.

“Uh, he introduced me, but no, he didn’t mention any meeting.”

The man paces around the room for a few moments, hands still behind his back, seeming as if he’s gathering his thoughts. His posture is impeccable, a clear sign of time spent in military training. And yet, he doesn’t look very old, maybe around 50 give or take a few years, despite his grey-ish hair and spotted skin. After wetting his lips, he seems to find his words. “Well, I’m glad I get to bear the good news.”

“I’m honored to be included in the Order, sir.” She bows her head, offering a gesture of respect.

“Now, tell me. What is the nature of your relationship with Kylo Ren?”

“My _what_ with Kylo Ren?” her eyes widen, almost gagging.

“Is it something romantic?” his expression betrays no emotion, making it seem like a very casual topic of conversation.

“Sir, there’s no romantic relationship between me and well, anyone around. As to the one with Kylo Ren, I’m not even sure I can call it a friendship. It’s more like an acknowledgment of each other’s presence.” The conversation took a turn she wasn’t ready for, nor did she get the point of it. “Why do you ask? Did someone make assumptions or?”

“It was more of a personal curiosity. I wanted to make sure I won’t impose on any other man’s property, especially not his.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say _property_?” indignation boils in her veins at the choice of his words.

“Yes, I did,” his tone is relaxed as if nothing about what he said could be offensive. “I wanted to propose an arrangement with you. One that could benefit us both.”

The chair suddenly feels like it’s made of spikes, her first instinct telling her to get out the door before anything else can be said, but then again, she just got accepted in the Order. It would look bad for her if a lieutenant decided to contest the decision. “What arrangement do you have in mind, sir?”

He approaches her, now only a few inches between them. “I will put in a good word with the other high-rank members, see if I can secure you a good position in the Order. All I want in return,” his hand brushes against her cheek, the action makes her cringe inside, “is _you_.”

Before she can decline the offer, his hand grasps her throat and pulls her to her feet. His tongue gets stuck down her throat, almost making her gag. Acting upon instinct, she bites into his tongue causing him to retrieve himself from the action. A metallic taste fills her mouth, _blood_. The lieutenant has shock written all over his face, clearly taken aback by her refusal. Shock turns into anger in a matter of seconds, his fist clenches and swings for her face. She finds herself on the floor after having lost her balance, the taste of liquid copper saturating her tongue and dribbling out of the corner of her mouth, staining her chin and shirt. This time it’s her own blood. “You ungrateful bitch,” he spats out, drops of saliva landing on her skin. She wipes her face, red lines of blood still visible on the skin, looks down at her bloody hand, and a devilish smirk crosses her lips. She stands, prompting herself up with her arm, as she sucks her teeth to get the remainder of the blood in her mouth, and gathers it in a big ball of slimy saliva that she spits right in his face.

There is a momentary silence, each glaring at the other, until the lieutenant jumps at her, his eyes burning with rage and just a little something else. His weight crushes her to the floor, where he pins her arms above her head, as he takes another fist to her face. This time, the ring on his finger leaves an oozing cut right above her cheek, and the hit sends her head back on the surface of the floor, with a smash, resulting in a black-spotted vision and ears filled by a high-pitched sound. The man exploits the slight black-out to rip out her shirt, buttons flying all over the room, her pale skin now exposed to his animalistic gaze. Maria blinks a few times, trying to bring back her sight, only to see her nakedness and the rabid man over her, working on undoing his pants. If she had something to eat today, she probably would’ve thrown up on his crotch. A burst of adrenaline shoots through her veins and she kicks him in the balls with her clenched fist, making his writhe in pain and crawl off her, curled up on the floor. She stands up, wobbling to the door, her vision still a bit impaired, as she ties her shirt in a knot to cover herself up. At the touch of a button, the door opens and her body almost flies out through the hallways, getting as far away from the room as possible.

The walls look like they’re collapsing on her, but the destination is somehow clear. Even though she’s panting, her running doesn’t slow, her body feels like a cloud, disconnected from reality, only blown into an unknown but clear direction. Her mind is empty, her vision is blurry, and when she turns the corner, she runs face-first into none others than General Armitage Hux and Commander Ren. Hux can’t help a grunt as the girl almost knocks him over. “What the hell are you doing?” he snaps at her. His eyebrow raises at her bloody and raggedy appearance, “and what the hell happened to you?”

Her mind is still empty, her eyes hollow, she hasn’t even noticed she stopped running or that she ran into someone. She just stands there for a few seconds, looking through the men, before she passes out. Ren extends his arms and catches her right before she splits her head open on the floor. His eyes scan her unconscious body from behind the mask, “Hux, go fetch KL-1409. I want to know how this happened and why he wasn’t there to stop it.”

\---

The trooper stood a few feet behind the man, shoulders crowded in embarrassment, trying to explain what happened as well as he could. “C-commander, it was an order, I didn’t think-”

“Exactly! You didn’t _think_. And you saw what happened thanks to your lack of judgment.”

“I-”

“I assigned _you_ to her. No one, absolutely _no one_ , gets to tell you otherwise.” The man draws out his saber, clenching it in his fist before igniting it, and swings it at the computers in the room. The blade cuts through the machines like butter, circuits sparkling with loose electricity. Maria walks in, right in the middle of Ren’s blowup, her appearance creates a slight corpse bride look, with her face bruised from the punches, handprints on her neck from the lieutenant’s grip, and the cut on her face stitched by a nurse. She puts a gentle hand on Kane’s shoulder, producing a slight shake in his body, as she leans close to his helmet to whisper, “It’s alright, I’ll tell him I asked you to go get something for me or something, just get out of here.” He only nodded and walked for the door, but she could feel the relief he radiated. A few seconds later, a piece of metal from the computers flies right by her head, “Hey! Not cool.”

Kylo stops on spot, shuts the saber, and puts it back on the belt. “How long have yo-”

“Long enough,” she almost laughs, amused by the scene.

He looks at her face and neck, “Are you okay?” He wants to come closer to her, but it feels like she’s made of porcelain and that might break her.

“A bit sore,” she cracks her neck, trying to relieve some pressure from her joints. “You should see the other guy.”

His fists clench, “Davos,” he hisses, “KN-1409 told me. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.” He can feel that the mask was still an impediment for her, so his hands raise to its sides and remove it. He lets the metal helmet fall at his feet, with a bang and her mouth takes the shape of an ‘o’. “Better?”

She nods, “much better. Now I feel like I’m talking to a human.” She takes a step towards him and watches him take one back. “I’m not gonna bite, you know?” He doesn’t respond, just sits there, a bit troubled as to what to do. She walks to him and wraps her arms around him tightly, nuzzling at his chest.

“What are you doing?” his arms are in the air, unsure of where to put them.

“I need a friend’s hug, I don’t think it’s too much to ask.”

No one referred to him as a friend in a long time, “I don’t have friends.” The sound of his voice hiding a hint of bittersweetness.

She can sense his sorrow, but she doesn’t ask him about it, she only sinks her face into his clothes and tightens her hug, “Well, too bad, because I choose you, Pikachu,” her words muffled by the textiles. He gives in and wraps his arms around her, his body hovering over hers in the hug.


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

Starting from that night, Kylo had arranged for Maria to be moved into the rooms right next to his; this way he could keep a closer eye on what happened to her. She was still an unknown to him. She clearly had a connection with the Force, he felt it all the time, but she was unaware of it, which, for now, worked just fine. He couldn’t focus too much on her, with all the moves he had to make in the First Order’s attempts at getting out there in the galaxy.

The room next to his was designed for his training initially, with black walls, white floors, equipment to practice on. Enough space for him to swing a lightsaber freely, in his own, safe space or use the Force to move objects, but he hadn’t used it in years.

As for the situation with lieutenant Davos, Maria insisted on being there when he’s being handled. Stormtroopers brought the man in shackles to her old room, where she and Kylo awaited. None of them said anything, as the man was thrown on his knees in front of the girl. Troopers left and the silence was broken, “Hello again, mister Arrangement.” She was calm, but for the briefest moment, Ren could swear her eyes flickered with a red-ish color, just when she took out the dagger he gifted her. He used the Force to bring the man to his feet, restraining him from any further action. The girl undid Davos’ pants, dropping them to his ankles; his balls were now in one of her hands, while the other held the knife against them threateningly. The man’s begging was muffled by Kylo’s use of the Force. “Let him scream, I want to hear it,” her tone held a certain darkness that intrigued him more than what she planned on doing overall.

“Come on, missy. We only had some fun, no need for all of this, please, stop it-”

She tapped the dagger against her chin, mockingly implying a moment of considering to spare his balls and life.

“Nahhh,” she finally breathes out.

She takes her time, firstly separating the testicles with a cut, blood squirting on her hands, clothes, and face. The man’s screams only made piercing each ball with the tip of the dagger even more enjoyable. With the side of the blade, she then moves forward to peeling the skin of the scrotum just as you do with a potato. Her hands were now completely red, stained with his blood. The screams stop when the man faints from the pain, a moment in which she stands and slaps him on the face, leaving a bloody palm mark over his cheek. Davos’ eyes fly open, his face getting paler by the minute. Maria runs her thumb over his lips then forces it in his mouth, making him taste the copper in the liquid, all of this with a wide grin on her face. When he passes out again, she pulls her finger from his mouth and takes one last swing with the dagger at his balls, this time removing them completely. The pain jolts him back into consciousness once more, and she nods to Ren, letting him know he can stop holding the man. He collapses at her feet, shaking uncontrollably as the blood drains from his body. She takes one last look at him, spits on the body, and crosses over him, heading for the door. Glancing back at Ren, she notices there’s blood on the soles of her boots, takes a couple of steps back, and wipes them on the dying man’s clothes. “Coming?” she asks casually as she makes her way into the hallways, her veins pumping with something better than adrenaline. It was intoxicating. It felt like raw, untamed power. For a couple of seconds, she soars through the hallway, but Kylo’s voice snaps her out of it.

“It’s the Force. What you’re experiencing right now. The Dark Side,” he pauses for a second as he studies her expression, “it’s in your nature.”

“Is that what you felt? When you came for me on Kijimi?”

“Not quite, I only felt _you_ , being a disturbance in the Force of this world. Now I can see why.” He opens the door to his bedroom, inviting her in with a gesture of the hand. “I had a bed set up for you in here, just until your room is ready. I also brought you a proper sleeping outfit.”

The bed is set on the other end of the room, providing enough privacy between the two of them to not cause awkwardness. But it seems more like a formality, not a necessity. Sure, there’s been a moment when they weren’t familiar with each other, but it never felt weird. Almost like they already knew each other.

After she cleans up and changes into the pajama shirt and pants, she takes a look in the mirror, ‘ _does this make me look fat?’_ she asks herself, checking out the black satin outfit, tightening the material on her stomach with her palms.

“Why would you think that?” comes Kylo’s voice from the chair he sits on.

“Why would I think what?” she replies, still concentrated on her waistline.

“That you look fat.”

She stops to think for a second, turning around to face him. “Did I say that out loud?”

“No.”

“So you can read minds?”

“Yes.”

“Cool, cool..” She recalls the moment she thought he laughed at her joke back in the hospital room. “You laughed at-”

“I did, yes,” he cuts her off, already knowing what she means. “But I also didn’t do it out loud. It was only in my head.”

“So, what you’re saying is that I can also read minds?”

“Yes.”

“And that means, when you referred to me earlier as a ‘ _disturbance in the Force_ ’,” she gestures air quotes, “you mean that I can do the things you can, right?”

“Not yet. You need a teacher, I can show you the ways of the Force. But not now. I’ve got some things to take care of first before I dedicate myself to your training.”

“What things?”

“It’s classified.”

“I could read your mind and find out.”

“Even if you tried, you don’t know how to do it yet.”

“Can you show me now? You can do it with me.”

He weighs in the possibility for a while, then nods slowly. She makes a small screeching sound and sits on her bed, patting the spot next to her with her palm. “Well, come on!”

Both of them sit on the bed, facing one another, legs crossed in front of them. He reaches out to her temples, placing his fingers gently on them. “Now, close your eyes.” she obeys, and he follows, doing the same, “For this not to be painful in any way, you’ll have to guide me through your mind. Think of this as me opening a door into your mind. If there’s something you don’t want me to see, just picture a closed door in front of it and I won’t look.” A tingling sensation runs through her body, making her whole body tremor. “Don’t worry, that’s normal. You’ll get used to it in a little bit,” he reassures her.

The first memory that pops up is that of the lake from when she first arrives, the peaceful view of it. “This is when I felt your presence, I can sense it. What happened before?” She guides him through the whole day before the event. The spark of energy she had after a long numbness, the plane ride, the sunny day, then the forest. He catches a glimpse of a man, but then a door appears in front of it. He can sense a hot tear roll down her cheek and on the side of his palm, her mind trying to shake off that memory. He chooses not to ask about it. Clarification does come moments later, “I’ll let you see that too, I want you to see it all. But not right now, I’m not ready.”

“I understand, we’ll do this at your own pace.” Somehow, this whole experience was delightful, for both of them. With each minute past, it brings them closer, a connection greater than just the two of them. The Force, linking them. “What’s this?” A scenery of lights, globes, pine trees, and songs appeared in front of him.

“I had a warm feeling earlier, almost like we connected in a weird way. It made me think of Christmas.”

“Are these dreams?”

“No, they’re memories.”

“What a strange world you lived in.” The search continues with her childhood, her education, passions, and journeys around the world. Even though he can’t see a door anywhere, he senses her frown. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Too much suffering, pain, loneliness…”

“Remember the doors, just close them.”

“It’s not me, it’s you, Kyl-”

He pulls away from her memory, panting a little, and takes his hands away from her head. “How did you do that?”

“A door, once opened, can be stepped through in either direction.” She stays calm as he stands and walks away from her bed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He lets out a long, heavy exhale, all memories flooding his mind, the unexpectedness of it overwhelming him. A knock comes on the door, but it doesn’t open. “I wanted to say I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude in your mind, it just happened. I can’t control it just yet.” Her voice was somehow soothing, taking the edge off his current state.

“I just,” he pauses to find the right words, “need a minute.”

“I’ll be right here if you need me,” she reassures him.

He looks in the mirror, his expression blank but oh, the internal struggle was there. There it is again. The Light and the Dark, both strong, both fighting against each other. Both tearing him apart.

In the meantime, Maria searched for some paper and a pen in his desk, and sat in his chair to be closer to the bathroom, just in case he might call for her. She starts doodling in the corner of the page when another scene begins unwinding in her mind. This time, it wasn’t the temple she saw burning, but a whole planet that was consumed by flames. Two men are fighting, floating on two pieces of rock over a river of magma, their lightsabers entwined in an unending dance of life and death. The younger one of them is referred to as Anakin, and she can sense it in him, The Dark Side, it consumes him. His eyes perfectly reflect the chaos on the planet around them, as well as the one in his mind. It made her think of the old saying on Earth, ‘ _eyes are the mirror of the soul’_. The scene continues with this Anakin boy, bursting into flames, then waking up in a dark suit, made especially for him. On his head, there’s a helmet, much resembling the one she’d seen so many times on Kylo. Not the same, but somehow.. _related_. A cloaked figure is next to him and refers to him as Darth Vader now. The image cuts off completely, bringing her back in the present. Her eyes fall on the piece of paper in her lap. ‘ _Son of a bitch, I did it again,’_ she mumbles, analyzing the drawing. Half of it was Anakin’s face blended into the other half which was the helmet he had on in the end. ‘ _Curiouser and curiouser_ ,’ she thinks, wondering what is the connection between these scenes in her head.

The bathroom door opens, interrupting her train of thought. “That’s my chair.”

She looks at him with a cocked eyebrow and a big grin, “Finders, keepers.”

“So that’s how you want to play this, huh?” he lifts his arm in the air, palm facing the ceiling and along with it, so does her body levitate off the chair. Her pen and paper fall on the ground and she can’t help a small gasp of indignation when he puts her back in her bed.

“You that’s not fair at all, right?” she shakes her head at him when he sits in the now empty chair.

He has the perfect snide comment to give her in return, but his attention shifts to the piece of paper on the floor. He picks it up to take a better look at it, sensing traces of the Force imprinted in the sheet. “How did you do this?” he breathes out the question. The girl sits on him, the action baffling him for a second, “Uhm-” being the only way he could protest.

“Hey, you’re the one who started this game. Now, face the consequences,” she takes the paper from him with a giggle, prompting her back on his chest as she studies the drawing. “I’m not exactly sure how this happens if I’m being completely honest.” With her eyes still lingering on the page, she stands and starts pacing around the room. “It just happens, I get these _things_ , almost like visions, you know? And they just play out in my mind, like I’m watching the whole thing,” her hands gesture through the air as she speaks, “And when I come back to my senses, there it is,” she points at the sheet, “these drawings.” Her eyes search his, hoping to get a clarification on why this happens to her. “What’s going on with me?”

He thinks for a while, trying to come up with a logical explanation, but the right answer eludes his mind. “I don’t know,” he replies absently.

“You know, the other day, before the whole-” she gestures at her bruised face, “ _incident_ , I was looking for you. I saw this other scene, you were in it. But you were younger.” His gaze fixates on her, encouraging her to continue. “You are sleeping, and there’s a man hovering over you, ready to kill you. There’s a little hesitation in his action, and you wake up, grab this blue lightsaber, not like the red one you have now, and your blades cross. He refers to you as Ben, not Ren.” There’s a momentary silence, both staring at each other, waiting for the other to speak. “Did I misunderstand that, or…?”

He remains silent, weighing in whether or not he wants to expose his past to a person he barely even knows. Something inside him contradicts the premise, it doesn’t feel like he doesn’t know her. On the contrary really, if there’s anyone he feels comfortable with, it’s her. Not entirely sure why, but that’s how it is. “Let me show something.” Kylo stands and walks over to his bed, grabbing her arm on the way. They both sit, just like they did earlier when he went through her memories. “It’s your turn to see my past,” he surrenders with a heavy sigh.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I do,” his hands take hold of hers, and both close their eyes, “now, open up your mind. Connect with me.” His touch started to tingle, just as it did the first time, pictures crawling their way in her mind. It begins in childhood, with many great expectations pushed his way by his parents. The parents were princess Leia Organa and pilot Han Solo, veterans of the Galactic Civil War, and former members of the Rebel Alliance that fought against the Empire, alongside his uncle, Luke Skywalker. Ben, a little child back then, didn’t find a pull towards his parents’ goals for him, but submitted to them regardless, leaving his home to go train as a Jedi with his uncle. Some of the very few fond memories he held were the times he played with his father’s companion, Chewbacca, a friendly and devoted Wookie, whom he considered a big, fluffy bear he could ride on and laugh with every day. But all innocence was taken away from him too soon. Despite what you may think, Luke put way more pressure on Ben than any other student, easily dismissing his every accomplishment and focusing only on the negative traits in him. This later led to hidden and bottled up feelings of fear and anger, slowly sending him down the path to the Dark Side. Supreme Leader Snoke first showed him the power of the Dark Side, his grandfather’s, Darth Vader’s legacy, and the comfort that came with it. Snoke made him feel safe, accepted, and appreciated, proving himself a better master than his uncle. And yet, being raised in the Light, his decision to join the dark forces didn’t come easily. It was pushed on him the moment he caught Luke ready to kill him. That’s when the scene becomes more familiar. The burning temple. Not his doing, but Snoke’s. He goes looking for the Knights of Ren, a cult born out of the darkness, and kills their Leader in battle, taking his place as their ruler. The end of his path to the Dark Side.

Something hot drips on Maria’s hands, compelling her to open her eyes, only to see Kylo’s flood of tears. Remorse, pain, torment. She could feel it, and it broke her heart to see him like this. Her hands let go of his, and pulled him in a tight hug, his face sinking in the crease of her neck. Tears stained her shirt and neck as she stroked his hair, his hands limp, resting in his lap as she held him. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers, wishing she could take it all away. They sit like that for a while, without talking, occasional sniffs and sobs the only sound perceptible. Exhaustion settles in, Ren’s eyes weary with sleep. She can tell he fell asleep, all his weight shifting on her. Carefully, she lifts him off her and sets his head on the pillow behind her, tucks him in, and wipes away the rest of his tears with the sleeve of her shirt. She heads for the dimmer, casting one last glance at his now peaceful figure, smiles and turns off the light.

\---

The sound of the bathroom door wakes her up. The room is empty, so she concludes that it was Kylo who went inside. Her eyes are weary with sleep, but there’s light outside, a new day. She walks to the wall-sized window that she somehow sees for the first time, and looks outside. A dozen rectangular-shaped ships are being boarded by what seemed like hundreds of stormtroopers, some of them already in the air, headed for the huge Star Destroyer she saw a couple of days ago. The image held a certain magnificence to it, holding her gaze fixated on it in awe.

“Where are they going?” she asks as Ren walks into the room, his face covered by his helmet.

“One of our spies reported about a whole fleet being shipped today to the Resistance Base and they’re dependent on it. The New Republic won’t enforce them in any way, they want to avoid war at all costs. We’re going to take them down and cripple their forces.” Her eyes sparkle with excitement, but it gets demoted quickly. “No, you’re not coming with me.”

“But-”

“You’re not trained for battle.”

“But-”

“I said _no_.” The mask did a great job amplifying the dominance in his tone. He turns on his heels and leaves the room, leaving her behind pouting.

Maria waits for the door to close and darts to the side of the bed, ‘ _You don’t tell me what to do_ ,’ she mumbles as she gets her boots on. She runs down the hallways, trying to come up with a plan to sneak on the transporters, with only one thought in her mind.

“ _God, I’d kill for cigarettes and coffee right now_.”


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

The Resurgent-class Star Destroyer, also known as the Finalizer, is a model based on the Imperial-class Star Destroyers of the Old Empire. It features advanced weaponry and extreme size, representing the might of the emergent First Order throughout the galaxy. The cruiser is 2,915.81 meters in length and emulates the dagger-shaped design of its former Imperial-class vessels. Constructed for advanced ship-to-ship combat capabilities, it serves as a symbol of the First Order's power, inspiring awe in the Order's enemies and pride within its ranks. Resurgent-class Star Destroyers feature a complement of 19,000 officers and 55,000 enlisted personnel. To keep such a large ship in operation, starship crews are forced to work closely together and alternate each standard day into six four-hour-long shifts, divided among three crew sections. This is proven to foster a strong sense of unity and team identity. Access to command systems and other areas of First Order vessels and installations are denied to enlisted personnel, requiring the properly coded rank cylinders worn by officers. 

It was majestic, thrilling, and, most of all, _dangerous_ . No, not because there was a deadly danger, that will come later. An exhilarating kind of danger, all because Maria stole a stormtrooper suit and armor, boarded the transporters without anyone suspecting it, and was now at risk of being discovered. Her stomach was filled with a butterfly-like feeling, grateful that the trooper helmet she had on hidden the dumb expression on her face. Once arrived at the docks, she broke formation and ran towards the plane hangar. She recognizes having read about one of them, the TIE fighter, and knew the basics of the commands. _‘They’re surely gonna use these, yeah,’_ she thinks, getting rid of the white plastoid of the armor, which only slows her down, having left only the black body glove. She puts the utility belt that came with the armor around her waist and brings the helmet and blaster inside the fighter. For now, all she can do is wait and listen to the chatter in the helmet’s integrated comlink.

The troopers are ready, the plan to attack the fleet is settled, everything is going according to the plan. Firstly, they’ll launch the air attack, and take off all the outside weapons. It shouldn’t be very hard, there is no military inside the ships, only some people for maintenance and the pilots who fly them. This was a classified Resistance endeavor, and luckily for the Order, no one suspects a spy right at the core of their organization. All TIE ships are ready to go, fighters, bombers, and Kylo Ren’s own, the TIE silencer. As with other TIE space superiority fighters, the TIE silencer is noted for its speed and ferocity, as well as its laser cannons and missile launchers. The silencer was reminiscent of the Galactic Empire's TIE interceptor, TIE Advanced x1, and TIE "Defender" Multi-Role Starfighter. It also features customized flight controls specifically made for its pilot. The excellent pilot skills run into Kylo Ren’s bloodline, tracing back to his grandfather, Anakin, and later on his father, Han Solo. Therefore, it’s no mystery that he’s one of, if not _the_ best, pilot in the First Order. 

All pilots board their ships, troopers ready on the transporters, waiting for the outside weaponry to be destroyed before launching. TIE planes leave in order, bombers first, fighters follow, and then Ren launches too, overseeing the battle, prepared to step in the moment he's needed. Laser beams fly all over, some of the fighters get hit, some explode, but the damage is way greater on the increasingly smaller fleet, the Finalizer’s weapons destroying the smaller ships in the back before they even stand a chance. 

“Commander Ren,” Hux’s hologram figure appears in front of him from the caller device of the Silencer. But his attention fixates on one of the less organized TIE fighters, out of formation, not listening to orders nor seeming to hear them. 

“I see it,” the metallic voice was short, to the point, hanging up instantly after. He intercepts the TIE fighters serial number and connects to its caller device. Maria’s picture pops up in front of him, the same as he does appear in front of her. 

“Oh, busted..” 

“I told you to stay at the base. How did you get here?”

“I stole a trooper suit. Weeeell, ‘stole’ is too much said,” she pulls on the steering wheel, shooting down one of the major lasers on a cruiser, unable to help a “Woo!” as the weapon explodes behind her, “I _borrowed_ it.”

He looks at her from behind the visor, baffled. “How do you even know how to turn that thing on, let alone fly it?”

“I actually have no idea what I’m doing, but this Force thingy surely does!” Her body was high on adrenaline and the intoxicating power of the Force that ran through her veins. “Screw drugs, this is epic! Wooo!”

He stares at her hologram for a couple of seconds, then says, as seriously as he could, “return to the Finalizer now.”

“Or what?” she defies him while taking down another laser. “You’ll punish me?” With a cheeky wink of her eye, she closes the hologram call and opens the radio station onboard to hear whatever orders and updates may come next. 

After most outside weapons are taken out and the TIE ships are safe, Maria allows herself a moment to take in the scenery that unfolded in front of her. She had only seen the space on a screen before, always hoping that one day she might get to experience the sights herself. But never had she imagined it would be while flying an attack ship belonging to the, supposedly, bad guys against an intergalactic fleet in a completely different universe. 

All pilots seem to retreat to the Resurgent-class Star Destroyer after finishing their jobs at the helm, letting the troopers from the transporters take over from there, continuing the strike against the fleet on the inside. The TIE silencer rockets through the returning ships, making sure not to lose visual contact with the girl, following her fighter around, overlooking her moves. She pulls the steering wheel towards one of the Star Cruisers’ ship hangars and he lands right next to the fighter she flew in. 

They both get out of their ships at the same time, but Ren cuts off her path. He pins her by the shoulders against the TIE fighter, his accentuated breath clear even through the mask. “You can die!” 

“So can you!” She squirms, trying to get away from him as the small army of Resistance members and technicians onboard rush into the hangar. Each Cruiser is guarded by a few people, and each of them is boarded by at least one transporter ship of stormtroopers. As soon as they land, and the trap is lowered, stormtroopers open fire on the men.

Ren dodges a blast that goes right over his head, “I’m trained for this, you are not.”

“Well boo-hoo, you can’t stop me. You have to get it straight into that head of yours, I’m not the type of person you get to boss around, as much as you may dislike that. Now we can sit here and argue like a married, old couple or get out there and kick some Resistance ass. What do you prefer?” The girl doesn’t even wait for a response, simply shakes off the grip and follows the troopers, gun blasting at the enemy. She knows he’s irritated with her, she can feel his stare drilling holes in the back of her head. The thought of it keeps her mind distracted from a Resistance member that flanks her, taking two shots in her direction. None of them cause much damage, but they graze her right shoulder and hip, ripping through the black material and exposing bloody lines on the pale skin. She bites on the inside of her cheek, muffling a groan, and turns towards the man with the blaster aimed at him. A red streak of light cuts through the man’s middle, his corpse collapsing onto the floor, split in two. A slight tremor runs through Maria’s body, but not a cringe. More like a thrill of excitement, the sight of spilled blood and organs on the white surface resembling a gore artist’s sloppy masterpiece. In her moment of marvel, she doesn’t feel Ren by her side, hovering over her. “You’re going back. Right now.” 

She flinches, snapped out of a trance-like state, “Hell no-” but before she can protest any longer, he uses the Force to put her in a sleeping state. His arms catch the unconscious body and carry her to the Silencer. Finally relieved of the babysitting position, he jumps into action, swinging his saber left and right, berserkly cutting through the Resistance fighters. Yes, what a perfect way to release tension, the swishing sound of his blade against the flesh of his enemies, the exciting feeling that comes with the penetration of one’s meat, the look on their face as they acknowledge their death. The Dark Side in him soaring at the power this charged him with. Blood spilled all around him, corpses gathering by the second, battle won, mission accomplished. “Commander Ren,” comes the voice of one of the troopers as he stands over the bodies like the Grim Reaper, panting, “What should we do with the ships?”

“Initiate the self-destruction sequence. Then get back to the Finalizer.”

\---

The First Order Supreme Council is gathered for a post-mission meeting on the Finalizer, General Armitage Hux, and Commander Kylo Ren leading the discussion with what has been accomplished. “The Resistance’s key fleet is down. They’re now relying solely on hand-me-down gear from their few allies,” the red-haired man was glowing with pride, “Knowing the New Republic’s reluctance to helping out the rebels, I can happily declare we are ready for an invasion of the galaxy and-”

“No, we are not,” Kylo Ren cuts him off, diminishing his argument, “Starkiller Base’s weapon is still in progress. We don’t know when it will be fully functional. We need to take out the New Republic entirely before they can send reinforcements to the Resistance.”

All members start whispering to each other, nodding in agreement with Ren’s words as they do so. One of them turns to face him, “Commander, where do we stand on the girl? Did you figure out her purpose in our cause?” Another wave of chatter fills the room.

“She’s strong with the Force, untrained but strong. So far, she seems invested in helping the First Order, I don’t see why it would change. I’ll take her to an audience with the Supreme Leader after she gets stitched up from the mission.”

“A mission she went on against clear orders.” Hux snaps, trying to get back at him for the earlier humiliation. A flash of gloat crosses his figure when he sees Ren’s fist clench under the table.

“We all noticed she’s skilled with the TIE fighter, she did just as good as our trained pilots against the ships,” another admiral cuts in, slight admiration in his tone, “I think we can oversee the slight disobedience.” Another wave of hush-hush agreement, “Just this once. Meeting adjourned.” 

Ren gives him a curt nod, all Council stands and heads out, each to their own business. On the way to his quarters on the Finalizer, Kylo passes one of the newcomer captains in the corridor. “Commander Ren, sir!” He acknowledges the gesture with a forward tilt of his head, walking past him without a word. Once in front of the door to his room, a strange feeling settles in, almost like he just missed or forgot something important, but couldn’t remember for the life of it. It was frustrating how it seemed to be staring him right in the face and yet, the answer eluded him. He sits there for a while, trying to shake off the feeling when the door opens from the inside, Maria walking right into him, gasping at the contact. “Oh shit, you scared the crap out of me,” her hand rests on top of her chest, catching her breath.

“Where do you think you’re going now?”

“Oh, I’m sorry? I didn’t realize I’m a prisoner or something.” She steps out of the door frame as he walks inside, closing the door behind him and removing his helmet, a glare flashes over his face, “Relax, I was going out to find you,” she adds with an eye roll.

“I told you to stay at the base,” he scolds her.

“I’m not the type of person who stays behind when there’s action going on.”

His fist clenches and hisses out at her, “you could’ve died!”

“Oh my god, it’s just a couple of scratches, relax!”

“Why do you have to be so disobedient?”

She snorts, crossing her arms over her chest, “uh, because I’m not a pet?”

“I didn’t imply you are, I just-” he bites his tongue, unsure of what to say to get her to understand what he means, “You are important.”

“Important how?”

“Not many people can master the Force anymore. But I can feel it in you. Raw and full of repressed anger, it’s strong. And dark.”

“Then teach me how to use it properly, not just spur of the moment stuff like what happened on the ship. And so I can be a partner, not someone you have to put to sleep to keep out of trouble,” her eyes squint at him, “And I did awesomely back there.”

“You weren’t bad, I’ll give you that.” A big grin appears on her face, “now, get dressed.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll meet our Supreme Leader.”

“You mean the nasty looking guy from your memories?” she asks with a raised eyebrow, and snickers as he nods awkwardly, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him that.”

Snoke’s holographic appearance dominated the room, out of scale, the hologram is the same size as the walls, and in the dark room, the sight of him a bit intimidating even for someone like Kylo Ren. But all the movies Maria saw back on Earth, with all the horror scenes and special effects, have prepared her for all this, therefore, the scene leaves her cold. Both of them have knelt in front of the man, heads bowed in respect, Maria not particularly happy about it. The ghoul-like presence of the Supreme Leader studied her, as did she, curious as to find out the story of what happened to his face to leave him so crippled. Even so, it felt like it was just a mask she stared at, the same as the one Ren uses to hide his true self, but this one was made of flesh and bones. She could feel Snoke trying to make sense of her being as well, seeming to know she’s not a true part of this world. None of them voiced any of their thoughts, even though they were both aware of what was left unsaid. It felt like a small eternity before the hologram addressed them, “The Force is strong in you, and I can sense the darkness in your heart. You will train as Kylo Ren’s acolyte, I trust he will do a good job with you and reach your full potential under his guidance.” The two glanced at each other, Maria with a devilish smile, and Ren with a stern look of assumed responsibility. The hollow eyes squinted at them, sensing a connection beyond the Force between them. “You will be reborn. It is the way of the Dark Side. When we embrace it fully, we become our truest selves. Come closer, child.” He gestured with his enormous hand for the girl to approach. She stands and takes a few more steps towards the disfigured man, rubbing her knee in the process. “Who will you become?” the deep voice inquires as he bends on its chair to be closer to her. 

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, Supreme Leader.”

“What is the truth? What is your _true_ name? I was not born Snoke. I became Snoke. Who will you become?” he pauses to reach into her memories. “Oh yes. I see it in your mind. That is good. Very good.”

“That’s silly, it’s just something I’ve thought about when I was little. How can it be good?”

“That is exactly why it is good. Children’s thoughts are pure. They do not practice self-depiction. They are who they are.” 

“ _Maeve_ ,” she whispers to herself. 

Snoke smirks at the admittance. “When you call yourself by that name, you see your truth. It represents what you want to do on a deep level. You see the part of yourself you want to cut away. The part you want to kill. That will be when you’re reborn in the Dark Side. And the galaxy will hear that name and see _you._ ”

Uneased and wondering, Kylo Ren sits there and listens, recognizing the speech.It’s the same one Snoke gave him after Luke tried to kill him. Almost every word of it, the same. How was it that it applies so well to her too?

“You may leave now. I expect a periodical report on all progress made.” His hologram disappears. The space inside suddenly feels way bigger and airy, the presence no longer hogging the room.

“So, _Master Ren_ ,” she nudges him with her elbow, “what’s the first lesson I get?”

“Obedience,” he says bluntly before turning on his heels and heading for the door.

She rolls her eyes, mumbling to herself in a mocking tone as she follows him, “Yeah, we can already skip that, I’m no good at it.”


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

“Wake up.”

She grunts and turns to face the other side, hugging the pillow. “Why?”

“It’s the first day of your training,” 

“Coffee…” she mumbles, burying her face in the pillow.

“What?” 

“Coffee, coffee, coffeeeeee-” she whines like a 5-year-old.

“Get up, Maeve.” 

Whether it was the name itself or the way he said it, one thing is sure. Her body just sits up from bed, without any conscious command that came from her, eyes wide open. “Wow…” she mutters, tingles running all over her skin, her eyes fixating him while glowing with excitement. “Do that again.”

He cocks an eyebrow, not sure of what she means. “Do what?”

“Say that again, it was so-” 

“Empowering?” his head tilts slightly, remembering how it felt to hear someone else call him by his chosen name for the first time. 

“Exactly.”

He nods and takes a seat next to her on the bed, “Maeve.” A big smile appears on her face, with a slight hint of mischief. The blue eyes pulsated a red glow, spreading from the pupils to the irises and back in less than a second. The Dark Side is stronger in her than it is in him, there’s no sign of her being torn between the worlds. She thrives in it. Like a fish in the water. And he wants that too. “Are you ready now?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been readier,” she raises a finger in the air, frowning for a second, “but seriously now, I hope obedience isn’t really the first lesson.”

He stands and heads for the door, “I was kidding yesterday. See you after you get dressed, I’ll be in the training area.” 

“Oh! So you do have a sense of humor after all!” she yells at him before the door shuts. 

After getting washed up and dressed, Maeve gets going to the training room. Of course, she has no idea where it is, but surely there’s going to be someone on the way who knows. Her face is radiating, and it’s not thanks to the bright lights on the ship, it’s the whole turn that her life has taken. All the adventure, the newfound higher power that resides inside, the euphoria within. Feelings never so heightened, so intense. Never before had she lived like this. Well, _almost_ never. Two things used to awaken such strong emotions, writing, and _him_. Even so, it wasn’t a constant state of mind like it is now. They were fleeting, the dullness of Earth life overshadowing the two. 

A group of newcomer recruits in the military ranks approaches from the opposite direction, the perfect people to ask for directions to the training area. A hollowness takes over her stomach, like stumbling into an abyssal pitfall. She leans onto the wall, her legs about to turn into jelly as her hand grasps at the abdomen as if trying to prevent it from liquifying. One of the captains jumps to her aid, taking hold of her elbow as she seemed to be crushed by her own weight. “Are you alright?” a genuine look of concern on his features as he tells the others with a gesture of the hand not to wait up for him. It looks like all blood had flowed from her face, giving her a porcelain appearance.

That _face_ . That _voice_ . Even color seems to have left her eyes as she stares at the man, trying to babble something and yet unable to form a sentence. Words elude her. _‘Is this a panic attack?’_ The hyperventilation indicates so. Even after taking in a few deep breaths, all she managed was a whisper, still smitten by the resemblance. “ _Allen?_ ”

The confusion on the man’s face is answer enough. It’s not _him_ , it just looks like it is. “I’m sorry, miss, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m sure I would’ve remembered you,” he smiles gently, trying to crack a joke. “Charr Revik, at your service.”

She nods absently, the hollowness beginning to dissipate, clearing her throat, even though still dry and tight, “Maeve, delighted.” Her spine straightens as her legs become functional again. She brushes the black hair from her face, trying to put herself together, “will you be a dear and guide me to the training area?”

“I’ll come with you, make sure you don’t pass out or something.”

“I’m a big girl, I can manage.”

“I insist,” his hand stretches out in front of her, pointing the way. “Aren’t you a little old to be in the stormtrooper program?”

“Excuse me? I’m only 21,” she laughs, nudging the man. His appearance made her feel comfortable and troubled at the same time. How can this be? Is he a doppelganger? Or just a cruel trick this universe had for her. The certain thing is, he looks and sounds just like _him_. It was unsettling, making her wonder whether or not there was a better explanation for it. For now, though, she tries to focus on the bright side. She gets to have a conversation with him again. 

“Oh, no, I meant no disrespect. It’s just that you said you don’t know where the training area is, so I assumed this was a first time training. And stormtroopers begin training since they’re kids.”

“Alright, yes, that makes sense. No, I’m training with Commander Ren.”

“Wow!” the man can’t hold back his excitement, which makes Maeve realize how big of a deal that must be to everyone else. Somehow, to her, it seems only natural that she gets along with one of the most important people in the First Order. “Wait, does that mean you’re my superior?” His question stops him in his tracks, unsure whether he was supposed to have a less casual attitude around her or not.

“Uhm, I don’t think so, no. You can relax,” bittersweetness overwhelms her for a second, looking at him, “Just be yourself, alright?” With a nod from him, they continue their walk to the training area, going around the trooper-dedicated side. 

Kylo Ren awaits in front of one of the doors, patiently. The sight of the captain next to Maeve gets his brain working. It’s the same captain he walked past in the hallway days ago, the one that seemed familiar, but not quite. That’s when it hits him. When he looked through the girl’s memories, he was the one behind the closed door. The only closed door. And now he could see it on her still pale face, that’s him. But how? 

“Commander Ren, sir!” Charr salutes, heels of the boots clicking together. Just as the first time, he offers him a curt nod and nothing else. But his eyes betray curiosity and she knows it.

“I’ll show you now,” she states, once they’re in the safe space of the training room which, curiously enough, it’s empty. No gear inside, no training equipment, nothing. Just a deserted medium-sized room, almost like the Order forgot it even existed. The man says nothing, just stares at her with a blank expression. 

Instinctively, Maeve reaches out with her hands to his temples and closes her eyes, letting the sealed memory flow through their Force connected minds. The scenes radiate with feelings of warmth and love, picnics, late-night drives, movie dates, drunken nights, trips and adventures, sunsets, and sunrises. The way they supported each other. The way they cared for one another. But the picture gets cut off, the love disappears, darkness takes over, a cemetery and a tombstone. Tears wetting the ground, then nothingness, numbness. Almost like all the liveliness from before was wiped out. Ren opens his eyes to see the expression on her face, pain overshadowed it, tears rolling down her cheeks, her body trying to silence sobs. He pulls her into a hug, knowing it tends to soothe her. “Those memories are beautiful, but he’s not the same person. You will have to let it go.” 

“I know, I’m trying,” she lets go of him and wipes her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt, mustering a serious face. “So, uh, training, right?” Without any warning, he hits her with his fist straight in the liver, causing her to curl at his feet, her face contorted with pain, “Ow! What the hell was that for?”

“Gather all the pain you feel and right now, physical and emotional. Channel it into the Force. Feel it deeply, see it with your mind’s eyes, allow it to make you stronger. Then strike back.” His look was stern, rough, taking his role as her Master seriously. "Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way you're going to become who you're meant to be." Nothing is going to make him fail her as Luke failed him. He has to do it the right way, as painful and hard as it may be. 

She struggles to stand, while her mind prepares a snide response, “You haven’t even shown me how to do that, what do you expect from me? Natural talent?” 

“Precisely,” his fist clenches for the second time, ready to strike, when she blocks him, with one hand, the other conjuring energy that she throws at him. He didn’t block the wave, rather than catch it and throw it back at her, sending her across the room. “It was good, but not good enough.”

“Man, you’re going to bruise me up, big time.”

\---

The training sessions had been long and exhausting, but the results were more satisfying than anyone expected. Not having started the Force apprenticeship in her younger years, this had to be more challenging, more advanced, but even so, it came easy. As time passed, Ren understood why Snoke would assign the girl to him, rather than train her himself. They were both naturals when it came to using the Force, with a connection higher and stronger than the one of a Master and his apprentice. They complete each other, working as one, as friends, and as partners. He can be both tough and gentle with her, knowing she won’t think differently of him, because she understands where he comes from. 

Her discipline has improved over the course of the past two years, she’s more calculated and less impulsive. Sometimes it even feels like she’s the one who keeps Kylo from being too quick in his actions. Her life on Earth felt like a fleeting shadow in her mind, the same as all feelings associated with it. Only the occasional encounters with Captain Charr through the hallways continued to cause some aching in her heart, but whenever it happened, she’d concentrate it all into fuelling the darkness inside. Oh, the Dark Side, what a comfortable place for her soul. 

Due to intensive training in military combat as well as the Force, and thanks to Kylo Ren’s direct orders, she was also awarded a ‘commander’ title. Maeve never really understood why he’d insisted on them having the same title, but she never complained about it either.

General Hux once paid them a visit, during one of the training sessions, to watch the progress and see for himself the power that resided inside the girl. The moment he stepped through the door, she was in the middle of mastering the levitation techniques, using the Force to hold a pile of dummies in the air. Maeve’s attention is drawn to the man entering, while the pile follows the direction pointed by her mind and hits Hux from the side, resulting in the man losing his balance and collapsing straight on his ass. Ren bursts into laughter and she can’t help an amused gasp, letting go of the pile of plastic to the side. Before she can even touch the red-haired man, he hisses at her, “what do you think you’re do-”

She cuts him off with a chuckle and a pat on his shoulder, “Oh, shut up, you big baby.”

All this time, Hux had somehow become an object for most of their inside jokes, affecting both their capability to take the man seriously anymore. Not when they were together anyway. The same thing happened during a meeting about Starkiller Base’s new weapon, meetings she was now allowed to be part of. The weapon is said to be almost ready for testing, but for some reason, Hux is not satisfied with the end date of the project. 

She nudges Ren under the table with her foot, _'Hux is moody today.'_

_'Hux is always moody.'_

_'Yeah, but don’t you ever wonder what's being shoved up his ass daily? A stick, maybe a dick?'_

Ren can’t help a snort of laughter, barely audible, and yet noticed by the others in the room. When Maeve hears him, of course, it makes her smile, trying to keep her own laughter behind her teeth by pressing the back of her hand against her mouth. Hux and the officials turn their heads in the direction of the two, both trying really hard to keep straight faces, pressing their lips together.

“Want to share with everyone what's so funny?” Hux inquired, somehow getting the feeling it was all about him.

“Nah, we're good,” she said as they both tried to refrain from another chuckle.

  
  


Even two years later, the room once designed for Kylo Ren’s training, the one next to his chambers, remains empty. Maeve never moved in it and he didn’t mind it. It was a bonding experience, the mutual habitation. Each had their own personal space while still being only meters apart. And it worked just fine.

In the middle of the night, Maeve wakes up, all thrilled by the idea that crept up in her dreams. She runs across the room to Kylo’s bed, taking hold of his shoulders, and rocks him gently, whispering. “Wake up, wake up!” His eyes shoot open, while instinctively grabbing the intruder, and immobilizing it to the bed, as his weight shifts on top. “Woah, ninja boy. It’s me,” comes the amused plea of the girl. An annoyed groan follows.

“You have to stop doing this,” he gets off her, falling back on the bed sleepily. 

“But it’s so funny.”

“Maybe for you. Every time you do this, I get closer to a heart attack.”

She sits up and pulls at his arm. “Come on, I want you to see something.”

“What is it?”

“Just wake up and get dressed. Put something warm on, we’re going outside.”

“But this is a frozen planet.”

“That’s why I said something warm.”

The Base is dormant. Nothing moves, everyone is asleep. Everything is immersed in silence. When the hatch opens to the rooftop of the base, streaks of light appear from the edge of the planet, the sun not far back behind them. The crimson light of dawn spreads across the snow-covered forest outside the base, giving it an icy shimmer. Like a frozen wonderland. “Beautiful,” she mutters.

“And freezing,” he rolls his eyes. “Why are we here?”

She lets her legs bend, as she wraps her coat tighter around her rear, before sitting on the cold metal, “We’re here to watch the sunrise.”

He feels reluctant to join her on the floor, even though she clearly wants him to. Maeve growls at him, snatching his cowl with the Force, ripping it towards herself. He gives in and sits, but not with the absence of a glare. “Now that you got your way, _why_ are we freezing to watch a sunset?” 

“This sunrise is special.” Her eyes close, the slight warmth of the rising sun prickling at her face.

“What’s so special about this one?”

“In a few days, this Sun will die.” He can feel sadness hidden in her words. “Consumed by our weapon.” She opens her eyes and looks at him with her head tilted to the side, resting on her raised knees. “It will give its life for our cause, I think we can give it a few minutes from our time. See it shine for a little longer.”

His eyes stare into hers, but they’re empty, “Everything dies.”

“Yes, that’s true. But this isn’t like a mere human dying. It’s a Sun, a star that has been around for a long time before you and I were born. A star that gives life, a god to its own planets. In a few days, we will kill a god. And it’s just as sad as it is beautiful.”

He’s suddenly confused, “how is it beautiful?”

“You get to see and appreciate it before it dies. Many times you don’t get that chance.” Her mind wanders back to the car accident, and the cemetery. All the words left unsaid. No goodbye. She shakes it off, only to notice him deepened into his own thoughts as well. Her hand lingers on his back gently, feeling the struggle inside him. “It’s happening again, isn’t it?”

The sound of her voice snaps him out of it, “what do you mean?”

“You’re being torn apart.”

“It hasn’t happened in a while, but it’s back.” His hollow eyes search hers, “You can feel it?” 

“Yes. And if I do, so can Snoke. He may not be as understanding of it as I am.”

“But how can you understand it? You’ve never shown any signs of indecision. You’re so present in the Dark Side.”

“I’ve always rooted for the bad guys, maybe it was an indicator of my true allegiance. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try to understand what you’re going through.”

This struggle inside him was so personal, he never shared it with anyone. Not Luke, not Snoke. Only in the privacy of his room, with his grandfather’s helmet could he ever be truthful to his torment. And with her. But still, why her? Yes, he was her master, but that isn’t insurance enough not to have her turn against him. There’s a whole history in his family of padawans turning against their Jedi superiors. And yet, he knew, deep inside, she would never do that. “Why do I trust you so much?” his words a faint whisper.

"I’ve always been able to see through this act of yours. Ever since we met in the hospital room. Maybe that's why.” As she speaks, her hand is still on his back, letting him know through the Force that her allegiance is, first of all, with him. “The person you pretend to be on the outside is not who you really are. You're vulnerable, unaware of where to put your energy, but when you wear that mask of yours, you're suddenly playing a role. A role you're comfortable with, rather than giving in to your internal struggle." She allows that to sink in for a moment before adding, "And probably because you know I love you."

He shudders, almost like the words stab him in the heart."You love me?" 

"You've been my best friend and master for two years, you dumbo. Can't you feel it?"

He looks away from her, shaking his head. "Loving me is a losing game."

"Listen. I know you enough to say that this kind of thought process is caused by the feeling of never having belonged in the world your parents raised you in, the same as you now feel about your place in the Dark Side. But you're worthy of being loved. Get it straight into that pretty head of yours."

After a moment of silence, he finally opens his mouth to say something, but the sound of boots behind the rooftop hatch stops him. Hux comes through the door, his body trembling in the cold weather. 

"I take it you're having _fun_?" the tone of his voice indignant. 

"Actually yeah, we do. Any new rules against it or?" Her eyebrow cocks at him, sassiness written all over her figure.

"What do you want, Hux?" Kylo’s voice comes, hoarse from not speaking in a while. 

"You're needed in the meeting room." The red-haired man throws the girl a glare, at which she sticks her tongue out. "Both of you."


End file.
